Your Success is Not My Success

in Success

Success is not so much what we have as it is what we are. Jim Rohn

I attended a seminar recently, in which business coaching as a profession was discussed, and what results can be had by actually being coached. To prove the point, slides of fast and luxury cars, big houses, expensive trips, first class travel, shiny jewelry and the like were shown.
 
By doing so, I realised that the presenter had probably lost 30-50% of his audience immediately. 
 
Why? Because for many personality types within the AusIDentities range, "success" is not about garnering expensive goodies at all. Showing these personality types the above mentioned slides to motivate them will generally have the opposite effect....
 
The issue here is "success" and two critical questions associated with this concept: 1) what does the word "success" really mean to you, and 2) where does success sit on your values list?
 
1) Success for the one is obviously not success for the other, but we seem to have some sort of collective consciousness about success. That's the one I was talking about in the beginning. We seem to believe, as a collective, that making lots of money, driving flash cars, living in beautiful homes is the pinnacle of success, and is what we should strive for. Anything less than that would make you less successful, or even unsuccessful. 
 
My opinion is that we are WAY off a balanced idea of what success really is if we only focus on professional or business success. For instance:
 
How about:
 
• the relationship with your partner
• the relationship with your children, family, friends
• your health
• your stress levels
• your personal development
• your work-life balance
• your attitude towards yourself
• etc.
 
All these factors have to come into play as well when we look at how "successful" someone is. If we only look at the amount of money someone makes, or the "stuff" that this person owns (or has bought with hefty loans!), we diminish our own feeling of success, and will feel bad about that. Moreover, as I said before, for many personality types within the AusIDentities range, a successful life is not about money and prestige per se at all.
 
The point I am making is this: we are all "successful" one way or another. It just depends on which are of life we are shining a light. Stay away from falling in the (collective consciousness) trap which identifies success with WORLDLY success. You will only punish yourself when you are not "successful" in that definition. As stated before: you ARE successful; we all are. Make a good habit of looking at the areas in life where you consider yourself to be successful. It will help you balance yourself out, and feel good about who you are and what you do (which, in Law of Attraction terms, is the ONE thing life is all about: feeling good).

2) Success is a value. Something we consider important in our lives. In previous articles I have already stated that the way we arrange our values will dictate what we go after in our professional and/or personal lives. The question you have to ask yourself, given your definition of success, is: where does success "sit" in my values priority?
 
I must admit that for a long time I defined success as "worldly success", which meant that the things I really am good at did not make me feel successful at all. This lopsided idea of my own success threw me off even further when I gave up my position as an associate within the law firm I was working for. Suddenly, I was not as "successful" as I was before. It became even more apparent when we emigrated, and started with pretty much nothing. No "success" at all.....
 
Over the years I have realised that I have often tapped into the unconscious collective belief around success, and have beaten myself up over not measuring up to that standard. A contributing factor was that my twisted definition of success did not show up high in my values list either...... I just wasn't into making loads of money and becoming well-known.
 
I have since established that my private definition of "success" really has NOTHING to do with that collective consciousness, but shows up EVERYWHERE in my daily actions: I have a wonderful relation with my partner and daughter, look after my body really well, look after my mental and spiritual health well, and have great variety in my life, which is really important. In that respect I am TOTALLY successful.
 
Now, I don't want to beat my own drum here, but want to impress on you that YOU are successful as well, in many areas of your life. You merely have to identify them, and get clear on your personal definition of success. Again, if you keep living up to others' definition of success, while they don't conform to your own, you will have a tough life. And that is NOT the idea of our existence on this planet, is my firm belief.
 
Set a LandMarc:
 
Firstly, come clean on how you have defined "success" in your personal and professional life. When, or under what circumstances do you consider yourself successful? 
 
Secondly, in how far is your success definition influenced by what "others" say success is? How much do you look at the "outside world" to define your success? Does that way of looking at it give you a good feeling overall, or do you feel you lack, in terms of success?
 
Thirdly, how high does success rank on your values list, given your success definition? How much time, energy, money, thought etc. do you give to being successful? Or are you looking at other values in your life (relaxation, socializing, pursuit of knowledge etc.) more than success?
 
Lastly, given the statement that everyone is successful at many things in their lives, identify at least three areas in yours that you know can be thought of as successful. Do you really FEEL successful about these? If not, start looking at these areas more closely, and start appreciating your skills and (cap)abilities for what they really are. Remember: success breeds success!
 
I want to state it again: if you keep looking at others to measure your own success, you will probably never feel good enough about yourself. There will always be other who do things "better". The key to your success is to look at where you are already successful, and build from there. Law of Attraction will assist when you take that first step, and you know that a journey of 1,000 miles starts with that first step.
 
To your success!

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Marc De Bruin has 1 articles online

Marc is a certified life/business coach, master NLP Practitioner and AusIDentities Personalities Facilitator on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia.

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Your Success is Not My Success

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This article was published on 2010/03/27